Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I look better un-naked...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dick has a subreddit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
