people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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