Non-Jews are for practice
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
