just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
