i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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