I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
