i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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