the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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