HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
