Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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