i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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