so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
