the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The air was thick with penises
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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