I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
