ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
