I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
