Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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