What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
