guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
