I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
