Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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