somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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