it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize