This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
