So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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