Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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