So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think my mom watched the whole time
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
