then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
