Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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