Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
