I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
