P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
