I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
