i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
