Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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