I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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