I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You can't motorboat a personality
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
