Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize