if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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