Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
