my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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