you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
