What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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