VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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