maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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