Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
