But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
