Do you still have your period?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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