Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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