you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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