I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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