He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
