I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
