I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
