I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
