the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
