she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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