uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
