i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
