My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
