I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Come share oat with me in your robe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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