If i come over, it means nothing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
