I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
