I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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