Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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