You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
