does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
