me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
