I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
